Battlestar WhatTheFrakWasThatica

So I just watched the concluding episode of the third season of Battlestar Galactica, and now I know what it was that had the fanboys ululating like dervishes in the desert. Read no further if you’re still working your way up to it.

You still here?

Okay, so now I know that even though the episode is called “Crossroads,” the pick-to-click theme song belongs not to Cream (or Robert Johnson) but Bob Dylan. Yep, that’s “All Along the Watchtower” all right, and depending on how the final season plays out, it could turn out to be either a brilliantly ballsy move or the kind of delusional low-rent inspiration we haven’t seen since Ed Wood keeled over. I’m not crazy about the rather cheesy version used on the soundtrack — what, the Sci-Fi Channel wouldn’t spring for Jimi’s cover, or His Bobness’ original? — but that is as nothing compared to the Gorgonzola gallery of characters muttering snatches of lyrics as they wander around looking dazed, confused or simply nauseous. I don’t often speak to appliances or inanimate objects, but when the line “There’s too much confusion” cropped up, I very clearly said to my television, “Please don’t do what I think you’re going to do.” Sure enough, “I can’t get no relief” happened just as I feared, with a toilet bowl and everything. I’ll never talk to my television again. It just doesn’t . . . friggin’ . . . listen.

So, what’s next? Are other tracks from John Wesley Harding equally useful for frying Cylon wiring? Are we going to see a pair of humanoid Cylons called Frankie Lee and Judas Priest? Why stop with this song? When the Cylons are defeated and sent packing, everybody can line up and sing the chorus to “Like a Rolling Stone” as the base ships flicker away.

Everything I’ve seen in Battlestar Galactica up to this point has been bold and brainy enough to keep me interested in how it finally plays out, but the producers better have one pretty goddamned awesome rabbit to pull out of their hat, or this show is going to go down as one of the grandest follies in television history.

One thought on “Battlestar WhatTheFrakWasThatica

  1. Scott Stiefel says:

    The whole ending of last night’s episode was even *more* contrived.

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