Britain fearlessly advances the frontiers of science:

Not content with their usual figures and algebra, scientists have discovered a mathematical formula for creating the perfect cheese sandwich.

Sensory analysts at Bristol University have devised an equation into which diners follow factors such as how much mayonnaise or pickle to put in the sandwich and the ideal cheese thickness to go with the relish.

The formula, which includes nine algebraic variables, has been used to create an online calculator, which can be seen at http://www.cheddarometer.com.

The formula (detailed below) is the result of a study by senior research fellow Geoff Nute and his team at the university’s Sensory & Consumer Group in the Division of Farm Animal Science.

Using human assessors and complex measuring devices, the group claims to have ‘mapped’ the flavour profile of hundreds of samples of Cheddar to determine the tastiest thickness for each type of filling.

There’ll always be an England.

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