The Lord of the Rings has been called a lot of things, but I don’t know if it’s ever been cited as a parenting guide. Particularly not anything in the story involving Gollum. So this may be a first, if I do say so myself.
At home, both The Divine Miss T and Dances With Mermaids are serious Webkinz fiends. (For those not in the know, Webkinz are little stuffed animals that come with a login code. This allows you to sign onto the Webkinz site and take care of an Internet version of the stuffed animal you just bought.) The girls also have birthdays that fall only about a month and a half apart.
So things were a little slow yesterday, and The Divine Miss T remembered her gift certificate from the local toy store, which also happens to sell Webkinz. As it turned out, the Webkinz toys had been marked down, so The Divine Miss T strutted out of the store with three little plushies instead of the expected two.
Back home, when the toys tumbled out of the bag, Dances With Mermaids’ eyes became very wide and greedy. Though she has something like ten of the things in her room — or in the back yard, where the Westies like to take them when nobody’s looking — she instantly unleashed a Panzer batallion of legalistic arguments for why The Divine Miss T should give her one of the Webkinz as an early birthday present.
Kid sister dug in her heels, and the arguments became more and more strident. In fact, it was beginning to sound a little too much like the flashback at the beginning of The Return of the King. I was listening from the other room, so I called out in my best Smeagol impersonation: “It’s my birthday! And I wants it!”
After a long pause, Dances With Mermaids (who has watched all three movies with me a few times) called back: “Daaaaaa-dy, stop it.” But the argument ended. Not even the most tyrannical of big sisters wants to think of herself acting like Gollum.