Tales from the discard side

After a few months of driving all over Middlesex County to eyeball skanky potted plants, unsteady bookshelves, and other filthy, crumbling, obsolete, and otherwise unwanted household items, the Woman Warrior and I have fallen out of love with the whole Freecycle thing.

The concept is a fine one, no doubt, but a community is only as good as its participants, and it’s been pretty amazing to see what some people think they can dispose of simply by offering it for free on the Internet.

Oh, the stories I could tell. Like the time somebody advertised a free remove-it-and-replant-it-yourself dogwood tree, then called us a couple of hours before dawn shrieking that we had taken THE WRONG FUCKING TREE while she was out doing errands. We didn’t encounter anybody trying to pass off old barrels of yellowcake as lawn fertilizer, but that’s probably only because we decided to stop cruising the aisles of the great online Skeevateria.

Maybe the humor will only register with someone who’s been down this road, but the Web site Item Not As Described had me chuckling like Dick Cheney with a garden hose. Check out the offers for free homemade marshmallows, a free Norman Bates party doll, and last but not least this fetching array of free hot tubs from the Black Lagoon.

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